Thursday, December 24, 2009

How to Ruin Christmas

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrggghh!

How to ruin Christmas in Three Easy Steps:

Step 1: hide all of your wife's wrapped Christmas presents (including a small box from her favorite jeweler) in a large trash bag in the back of your car.

Step 2: take the trash to the end of the driveway on Wednesday morning. When the overflowing cans fall over, throw a few of them in the back of the car, and then throw all of the trash bags into the cans when you get to the end of the driveway.

Step 3: discover on Christmas Eve that you are missing a very important trash bag.

(Optional) Step 4: Spend thirty minutes on Christmas Eve with Amex Gold rep, who, after taking the time to understand the nature of the problem and the scope of the lost goods, patiently explains that the Consumer Protection insurance covers theft or accidental damage within 90 days of purchase. It does not cover accidental transport to nearest landfill.